I spent New Year's in bed, bawling my eyes out because yet another friend "announced" they were going to be expecting again. They wanted to save face and save my feelings by not telling me, but for someone who is going through infertility, even if a woman is barely pregnant, we almost instinctively know. We pick up on the small changes, on the things most people may not even recognize. I cried because I swore up and down that 2011 was going to be our year. That our miracle was going to be conceived this year and we would be parents before we turned thirty. Well, you know how the saying goes, "Make plans and God laughs."
In June, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, after years and years of going to the doctor every 3 months to get Provera to induce a period, then go get blood work, then come back, rinse and repeat. Initially, my scans and bloodwork did not show anything, however this year when I went for my scans they referred me to a RE, who had confirmed what I had long suspected. We've tried Clomid, in November I actually did concieve, however had an early miscarriage or chemical pregnancy that we never would have known about if it weren't for the meticulous charting and monitoring we were going through. After my PCT, the doctor determined I would be a prime candidate for IUIs, or artificial insemination. My PCT indicated that while everything was working properly, for whatever reason my body wasn't allowing J's little swimmers where they needed to go. The IUI will bypass this and put the swimmers right where they should be. I paid for the IUI to occur in December, however with the holidays, we missed the window (again, make plans...), so we are hoping maybe January will work out for us. If the IUIs don't work the next step is IVF and I am not at all interested in spending the money for IVF so we will look into adoption since it is roughly the same cost as adopting.
Melissa has inspired me so much these past 10 months. If you haven't clicked the link for her blog, I encourage you to do so. She is a wonderful example of what faith can do to help heal. I have decided that this year instead of allowing myself to be heartbroken over the negative test after negative test, I am going to remain hopeful and work on healing myself.
One of the ways I am going to do this involves photo blogging the foods I am eating. PCOS is often associated with insulin resistance, and I have a history of diabetes in my family, so genetically speaking, I am always going to struggle with my sugar levels. So I am eliminating sugars, white breads and rice, and incorporating more veggies into my diet. This is going to be a huge struggle for me because I LOVE bread. I LOVE chocolate. Last year, I was able to eliminate both and eat apples and peanut butter for my sweet fix, and I did really well for 3 months following a low starch, high protein, low carb, high colorful vegetable kind of diet. I lost about 20 pounds in the process and was able to maintain it through the summer. I've put on about 5 pounds since the start of fall, but I also have not been very mindful of my eating.
So without further ado, here is my lunch and snacks for today:
Romaine lettuce with slices of cucumber and red pepper, sub in light zesty italian because I left my olive oil and vinegar in the fridge, topped with a hard boiled egg for some much needed protein. A handful of Ann's House Energy Blend (soy nuts, almonds, dried cranberries, and pumpkin seeds). 2 Sugar Free Dove chocolates. And celery sticks with peanut butter. I didn't photograph breakfast and I won't be able to post dinner, but breakfast was 1 scrambled egg and 1 Morningstar Farms sausage link. And for dinner I am having 2 cups of chopped broccoli (my 2nd favorite veggie) and half of a (huge) breast of chicken
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