We did our last IUI this past cycle. The results, were negative. I have to admit, I was beyond upset the last few days. More than anything I was mourning the loss of a dream that for me feels like it is so easy for other to achieve and it shouldn't be so difficult for anyone. I think what has helped me get through all this is the knowing how badly I want this and knowing how much time, effort, and money I have put into will make me a better mother because I had to work so hard for it.
J and I have always discussed adopting a child. J is adopted and it is something he feels very strongly about, however after much research we found out that it would cost anywhere between $20k and $35k to adopt. Money we don't have at all and we are not about to ask for families' help for such a large chunk of money. $35k is more than I make in a year. So while the idea has kind of been put on the back burner for the time being, we are still looking into other options. One of which is foster care. At first I was worried about not being able to get a young child, but after talking with friends and co-workers we would be able to get a young child. I realize how difficult it would be to get a young child and have the child get placed with a family member, but it is something we are exploring.
The other thing I am personally exploring right now is a more holistic approach to healing my PCOS and also help with the infertility. I have an appointment with a herbalist on Tuesday and I will probably start back up with the chiropractor for accupuncture. All in all it will be about the same as a monitored cycles on Clomid, but will be spread out over 2 - 3 months rather than all up front. J doesn't know it yet, but I am cleaning out cabinets and the fridge tonight and brining stuff to the kids. The aim is for more organic and whole produce and products to be in the house, less refined and processed, less gluten. I am feeling positive about the changes and will keep everyone updated on the progress.
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