This week has been particularly hard for me. I am not entirely sure why, other than I threw my system completely off balance on Sunday night by overindulgence in alcohol and delicious food. Monday I spent most of the day in bed trying to recover from the aforementioned gluttony and my body truly needed the sleep and laziness, I feel like I have been constantly on the go lately. Since I have felt like I've been under a veil of darkness though and it's been tough.
Monday night, I had a dream my mother in law and I spent an afternoon together. I woke up in tears because as I woke up we were hugging and I was telling her how much I miss her and she was telling me how much she misses us and loves J and me. I have been replaying the dream in my head every day since and feel so overwhelmed by the sense of loss. It hurts so much that I can only talk to her in my dreams, I would give anything to be able to just call her on the phone and talk. Not that we did that a lot when she was still here, but it was always an option and she would randomly call or e-mail me to see how things were going in our life when she hadn't seen J in a few weeks. I will take the dreams over nothing; a big part of me wants to believe this is how we will spend time together until I see her again. So that sometimes makes things easier for me.
On top of all that, I have really been struggling with the infertility stuff again. I get upset because Jo won't get to meet her grandchildren in this life, and I fear there might not ever be any grandchildren for my family and J's father to meet. I've worked really hard over the last few weeks to eat nourishing foods, but my period has been MIA for over 3 months now, and as much as I hate the progesterone supplements I am going to have to start taking those again. I've started looking into other ways to naturally regulate my cycle and found a method of seed cycling, so I might try that in conjunction with the supplements from the naturopathologist. I really hate that my body is whacked out crazy.
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